Episode 20: Ego Dissolution, Deep Transformation and Shadow Work

Transcription

(00:00):

Hi all! I'm super excited because today we're going to continue the series on the Dark Night of the Soul. And this episode is all about ego dissolution, deep transformation and shadow work. What I want you to understand is you cannot be on the spiritual path if you are not going deep inside and looking at your shadow. And I'll explain a little bit more of what the shadow is, but if you are unwilling to go deeper and look at some of the things that are holding you back from evolving completely, and that doesn't mean being perfect. Okay? We're not talking about perfection because that's a lie that we tell ourselves and our ego tells us, “Oh, you can be perfect if you do this or you do that.” That's not what we're striving for. What we're striving for, or looking for, striving is such an energetically difficult [word],

(01:00):

so we'll take that out of the equation. What we as spiritual seekers should be evolving toward is dissolution of the shadow so that we can become all that we are. But it's not about perfection because as a human, you're still human, you still have feelings. You know, if somebody passes, you may cry or be sad and that's okay. Right? It's okay to have feelings and emotions. There's a difference between experiencing an emotion and being swept away by the emotion. And the difference is when you feel the emotion, that's a quick understanding and you connect to it. I'm like, “Oh geez. In this moment I feel kind of disconnected or I feel unworthy or sad,” right? But if I feel unworthy and sad for six years, then I'm swept away in the emotion. So there's a difference. So when you have an emotional experience, it only lasts in the body about 90 seconds.

(02:10):

So it is a movement of energy, but what happens is we anchor it into ourselves and we actually hold it in our cellular memory. And that's important to understand, because if you experience something over and over and over again, feeling wise, like always having anger or depression, then that's something that's anchored in your memory. And of course, I do a lot of Akashic Records work, and the way I do the work is I look at the patterns that people have, and these patterns can be inherited through your family. So you can actually inherit depression or you can inherit a trauma, believe it or not. So, what we're going to do today, though, is we are going to look at the shadow work because shadow work can really create deep transformation for you. But first you have to kind of understand what it is and how to deal with it.

(03:10):

We can't understand shadow and shadow work without talking about Carla Jung. And that's J U N G. He was a psychologist. He was actually Freud's protege, but Carl Jung was more of a mystic. And because he was a mystic, he saw things in a different light. And he also probably read a lot of alchemy texts and also connected to ancient mystics and maybe Christian mystics or Hindu mystics. But Carl Jung popularized the shadow and shadow work. Now, what he was saying was that we have archetypes, an archetype is part of the human psyche. And many people have taken that archetype understanding and done a lot of work with it. And I want you to understand the bigger picture is archetype shadow work. But let's talk about what Carl Jung talked about first, and then we'll go a little bit deeper into what archetypes are and how to do shadow work with them.

(04:22):

So, Carl Jung believed that there was this universal type of psyche that we all have like a collective consciousness. And in that collective consciousness, I think he called it collective unconsciousness. In that collective unconsciousness, everyone holds the certain ideals of an archetype and these archetypes show up in literature. It shows up in your relationships. It shows up in your life, shows up in your dreams. And these archetype symbols are across many cultures. So, let's say you had the Queen archetype. It's not just one culture that has the Queen archetype. It could be the Emperor in China. So we are talking about the similar archetypes. We may call them by different names, but in the unconscious collective, or the psyche of the human, they're similar. So this goes across cultural lines. Joseph Campbell actually has something called The Hero's Journey. And that is the journey of the archetypes.

(05:34):

So Joseph Campbell talks about the mythical journey of the human experience and how we go through ups and downs and phases in our lives. But of course, I just digressed into Joseph Campbell. Let's go back to Carl Jung, who to me, I love Carl Jung. So, I'm a little bit biased here. Now, Carl Jung talks about this shadow side of every archetype. So let me explain what that means. Let's take the archetype of the teacher. So, the teacher is someone who can communicate knowledge, has a lot of experiences and skill and wisdom and loves to share that, right? That would be considered the light side of the teacher. But then there's something called the shadow aspect of the teacher. And what is the shadow aspect of a teacher, maybe manipulation or abusing their students or wanting everybody to follow them like a guru. And they want minions and they're not looking to empower.

(06:47):

So the light side of the teacher is they want to empower people. They want to share their knowledge so other people can gain something from it. The shadow side of the teacher may hold information back or may teach negative things or even teach fearful things. So that would be the shadow part of the teacher. In other words, this pendulum swings back and forth. You can either be expressing the light side or the egoic shadow side of every archetype. Now the light side is more connected to your soul vibration, your connection with your higher consciousness, and the shadow side is definitely connected to your ego's persona, what your ego is usually afraid of showing others, but it's hidden underneath. And we hide it purposely because we think our shadow selves are something to be ashamed of, or we keep it to control and manipulate others. And most of this, actually, I should say all of this, is subconscious.

(07:59):

And why is it subconscious? Because remember your subconscious mind rules 95% of your waking life and your subconscious is what's hiding the shadow. And that's what your nightmares are. Most of your nightmares are connected to your shadow coming through at night. And, uh, one time I remember I had this dream, I was working a lot with the ego and I was wrestling a mannequin and we were wrestling and fighting. And, in my dream, I was trying to gain control over this mannequin. And then I woke up and I went, “Oh my gosh, that's my ego,” because it had no real substance to it. It was a shell of a being or a shell of an energy. And I knew that was myself struggling or fighting with, or trying to control my egoic self. And now I realize I can't control my ego, but it was interesting to watch that.

(09:05):

And that's what happens. Archetype show up in our dreams. And it's a good thing to watch your dreams so that you can see what might be happening, but you don't have to remember your dreams in order to do shadow work. I have other ways to do that. What most people don't understand about shadow work is that there are so many layers to it. And what I see and hear people talk about is that you have to just deal with whatever's coming up, any dark energies or feelings or anything like that. But what you really want to do is watch how you interact with the people around you. If someone triggers you, it's more likely to be your shadow, that they are projecting to you. They are your mirror of your shadow. And the reason that people are our mirrors for our own inner shadow is because we don't want to see our flaws.

(10:06):

And we want to deny them any way we can. We're great at denying. So I've seen this. A person has a parent who they see as not a great person and that they feel that they're bad people in some way. And they're always putting negative energy and negative thoughts toward that parent, but they have no idea of those traits within themselves. They don't see it because this is the thing I hear all the time. I don't want to be like my mother, right? They don't want to be like their mother. So they will project that their mother is they're selfish and they're self-absorbed, or they are an alcoholic, or they manipulate and control everyone, but they don't even see their own ways that they manipulate and control others or their own selfishness. And none of this is bad. So I never see the shadow as a bad thing, because if you see it as a bad thing, then you are denying it and you're pushing the shadow away.

(11:17):

So what they say right is to embrace your shadow, love your shadow. So, one of the old ways of doing that is to go in and see that part of ourselves and give it a big old hug and say, “I love you shadow, selfishness, I love you. You're awesome.” But what happens is there's a certain amount of spiritual bypassing when you do that. And I'm not saying it's a bad thing. I’m just giving you an idea because when you just embrace that shadow, you're not really bringing it into the light. Of course, love is light energy. I'm not saying that, but what you're doing is you're saying, “Oh, it's okay that you're projecting yourself all over the place and that you're projecting your selfishness everywhere. I still love you.” And that is a good beginning, but really what you want to do is see what is that shadow part of you?

(12:16):

What does it feed inside of you? And the reason that people say to embrace their shadow is to help you see it, notice it, understand it, because most of us repress the shadow because the shadow self supports and feeds the ego self. It feeds that ego voice. It feeds that part of you that makes you feel better in the world, or like you belong in some way. And I understand that. I get why the shadow does that, but I'm really in the mindset that it's more than just understanding it. You have to really face it and you want to face it in a way that isn't always pleasant, right? So, when we're going through that dark night of the soul, your shadow will come up, show itself to you. You'll see your old anger or pain or maybe you'll see how you've tried to manipulate others to feel better about yourself.

(13:25):

So here's your shadow coming up. And if you are not being present with what's happening, you're denying it and you're repressing it. And you're pretending it's not there, which is what the ego wants you to do, wants you to hold onto the dark night of the soul, because it wants to keep its control. If it still holds onto its shadow, then it's still hidden. It's still playing behind the scenes. It's not something that you know about. And that's also about the ego's voice, right? So it always sits in this quiet little corner and says a lot, but it doesn't want to be seen. It just wants to play it's record over and over and over again. So, it wants to play what your mother has said about you over and over, “You're unworthy. You're not smart enough,” right? So the ego wants to sit in the shadow and play that little record over and over again.

(14:31):

But when you take a moment and you say, “Whoa, is that really what I believe? Or is that coming from the shadow part of me? Yeah. It's your shadow. And that's a good thing to recognize it. When you start to bring that shadow self to the light, it starts empower you. You feel more empowered instead of disempowered. It helps your relationships because you stop projecting everything of your shadow onto everyone else. It happens all the time. So I'll give you an example of this. My one sister and I, we have the same birthday, and I would connect to my sister and if she triggered me in any way, I knew it was my issue. It had nothing to do with her. And she really showed me a lot of my shadow. So did my mother, so to my other sisters. So, when I was triggered by anyone in my life, friends, family, coworkers, I recognize that it wasn't them who my issue was with,

(15:40):

it was my own cute little shadow hiding away. And I would say, “Nope, I'm not going to acknowledge that. And project this on other people.” Although of course, I'm sure I projected plenty onto other people, but I also took the time to look at myself, at my own shadow. Because if you trigger me, then it's my issue. And I get that because I'm creating my reality. So, what would start to happen is, as I worked with my shadow, my relationships improved because I was not defending myself or getting angry about things when somebody showed me my shadow. I was like, “Huh, there's my shadow. Okay. I'm going to go do some work on that shadow part of me.” And then what starts to happen when you do that shadow work is your ego starts to dissolve because the ego doesn't have as much skin in the game.

(16:35):

It doesn't have as much power over you because it uses the shadow as its power source. So, all the things that we can't see in ourselves but other people see in us, that's our shadow. And if someone says to you, “Oh wow, you're kind of controlling.” Then you want to look at that. Instead of getting angry with them, you want to say, “Hmm, how much truth is in that?” Now, sometimes they're just projecting and that's understandable, but sometimes it's yours. And if someone says anything to me like that, I always ask myself “What part of their observation is true? And what am I not seeing?” This way, I'm not allowing it to sit in the shadow. I'm pulling it out of the shadow into the light. So how does the shadow start to develop its shadowy ways? It's like the ego. It creates a persona. When children are really young, they're in that alpha-theta brainwave state and they are programmed, right?

(17:42):

So they start to be programmed of what's acceptable and what's not acceptable. And let's say they have a fit of anger or they're super sensitive and they cry a lot. And the parents or caregivers squelch that energy and they tell them that is bad. Don't do that. So, what happens is those kids bury that shadow part of them because, “Oh, that's not acceptable. I have to bury that away and hide it.” Most of the stuff actually comes from our parents. And we may even have the same exact shadow stuff our parents have, or our main caregivers have, because we inherit it from them. And when that happens, we become like our family. And in order to be safe in our world, we have to be accepted. So, we have to hide the parts of us that are not. A good example of that is a young person who starts to recognize that they like the same sex and they start to recognize, “Hey, I'm gay.”

(18:59):

And then what they have to do is hide it because they come from a religious family and they're trying to suppress it and repress the energy. And then they have all this guilt and shame connected to it. And then they have this part of them that is a shadow part that they can't let other people see. And then to their friends, they're all out and they express themselves and they accept their gayness. But in reality, there's the shadow side that's holding a lot of shame. And the shadow side maybe of their, let's say if they're a man, of their masculinity. So, their shadow is that masculine, or the shadow could be the feminine, part of them. And I'm not saying it's one or the other. It could actually be either-or, or maybe even both, because they're shadowing it, they're hiding it. They're hiding these pieces of themselves.

(20:01):

And even if they come out in certain ways, they're still the shame or shadow that they are hiding. And that they don't even know is there because they have to hide it in order to be accepted and safe in a community or in a group. And maybe their Prostitute is part of this archetype that's in the shadow. Now everyone has the Prostitute archetype. And it doesn't mean that you are a prostitute. It means that you sell a part of yourself or you lie to others about who you are in order to protect yourself or to feel more loved and accepted. So maybe they are hiding or sacrificing part of themselves in order to fit in with their family, with their very religious family. And they're doing that because that's what we do. We hide our shadow. We don't want people to see it. And I want you to understand, I was using a gay man or the LGBT as an example.

(21:13):

I'm not saying that they have this particular shadow, but everybody has the Victim. Everybody has the Prostitute shadow. Everybody has the Inner Child and the Saboteur. We all have those archetypes. So let's look at another archetype. Let's talk about the Alchemist. I love alchemy. So let's talk about the Alchemist. So, the light side of the Alchemist is transforming, inner transformation, connecting to different realms, a lot of wisdom, a lot of recreation of self, deep introspection, right? That's the light side of the Alchemist. The shadow part is using this power that they have, and this knowledge, to manipulate and control others. They're misusing it. They use it to gain financial power. They use it to control political systems. So there's always a shadow and a light side of every archetype. So, let's talk about the Healer because of course there are many healers among us.

(22:35):

So, let's talk about the light attribute of a Healer. What would be the light attribute? Helping others, compassion, service, wanting to help or heal, helping to transform others, wanting to help people transcend pain or to heal. Right. Doctors are healers. Nurses are healers, energy workers, sound bowl healers. The list goes on. So you have all these great healers, right? There's a light side of that, but what's the shadow side to the healer? There are a few shadow sides to healers. And if you're a healer, this might be something you might want to look at. Some of the things that healers have are they're so focused on everyone else, they don't do any of their own inner work and they don't heal themselves. Another thing of a shadow of a healer can be enabling others. So they think they're helping others by doing everything for them and not understanding that these people are sovereign beings or this idea that they are this great healer.

(23:53):

And I hear this sometimes, where healers will say, “Oh, I'm just the vessel.” But when they say that, sometimes they're actually saying, “But I really do the healing work.” Now recognize that of course they're doing the healing work. Of course they're participating in the healing, but maybe they want people to be sick around them so that they can take care of them. Another shadow of the healer can be the savior. I need to save everyone. And of course, that's the Jesus complex. Now these are all shadows. And it doesn't mean everyone has those shadows, but those are the things you want to look at. You want to really take time and ask yourself, “Do I feel like I need to save everyone?” And don't let your ego answer that you need to look deeper into your shadow, into the depth of who you are.

(24:52):

And maybe if you judge another person and say, “Oh yeah, they think that they're all that they think they're this great healer.” You might have that in yourself. So now that you have a little bit of an idea of what shadow work is and what archetypes are, let's talk about how to do some inner work. The easiest thing to do is to maybe do a question and answer with something that you might think is your shadow. Now, if I were a healer, I would certainly do a handwritten question and answer exchange with the Healer part of me. And I would want to have that healer be so brutally honest, I would not want to have this grandiose idea that I don't have a shadow part to my healer, or I don't have a shadow part to my teacher. So what you want to do is get into a really quiet space, take some breaths and just kind of connect inside, go into your heart.

(26:03):

Actually, I would always clear my energy first, go into your heart and just make it clear intention. So, something like, “My intention is to work with the shadow part of my healer, to look at it in depth and to connect to all parts of this.” And then I'd open my eyes. And I would say, “What part of me is afraid of seeing part of my shadow of my healer?” And then let my healer answer. So, you're literally making a question, answer through handwriting. Don't type it out. You have whole different connection to your brain when you actually write it out with your physical hand with a pen and paper. Maybe a second question would be, “How does my ego feel special when it comes to my healer? In other words, does my ego feel like it's really great?” And remember, there'll be a part of you that will say, “Oh no, no, I don't think that way.

(27:09):

No, no, my ego, I don't think that at all. I'm not great because I'm a healer.” But remember it's your shadow. So if you're denying it, then it's most likely in there somewhere. And it doesn't mean you're not an amazing healer. Please understand that. It is just a part of us. It's part of our psyche as a human. But if you want to dissolve your ego, you have to be honest with yourself and you can't be afraid of seeing your shadow.

Another tool you can use is dreams. I always use my dreams to find my shadow pieces. They are really interesting and your shadow in your dream can be someone else. It could be maybe the bad guy that you're fighting. It's actually your shadow self. So, take a look at your dreams and look at what shadows come up in your dreams.

And another easy piece is to look at where you're triggered in your life.

(28:15):

What triggers you? What don't you like about this person or that person, and be honest with yourself about it. Now, what you want to understand about all shadow work and archetypes is you will flip-flop. You are not all ways in the light, and you are not always in the shadow. You flip-flop between the two or you have a movement a little bit more toward the light, and then something comes up and maybe triggers you. And then you shift over a little bit to the shadow. That doesn't mean the shadow’s rearing out and so energetically in your face, but you will move in and out of your shadow. And there is never a time that you're not. A good example of that is the Game of Thrones. When Damaris had this really clear light side to her and you fell in love with her character, at least I did,

(29:21):

and there was this light part of her, but then she would flop into her shadow and she would become a tyrant. And then she'd move into the light and have compassion and love. And then she'd move into the tyrant. And that is normal for many people. And that was very overtly experienced in that show. But what you want to understand is you have the same thing. And the reason the shadow is so important for you as a spiritual seeker is because if you are subconsciously experiencing these lower egoic energies or self, you cannot be at a higher frequency. If you hide it, if you don't want to admit it, if you keep it hidden, then it will stay hidden. And it will come out in ways that you will deny. And you can't be at a higher consciousness if you're denying parts of yourself.

(30:30):

So, there are times in my life where I've said, “Whoa, wow, my victim came up and it was really, really very victimy, and wow, that is not something I want to admit to, but I'm willing to look at it because that victim came up for a reason. What part of me is still holding onto the need to be the victim? And what am I gaining from being the victim? How does that part of me make me feel whole, or make me feel lovable,” because believe it or not, the victim will feel loved if it's a victim. So, it will say, “Well, look, you did this thing to me and it's your fault and I need to be loved because they hurt me.” That's what the victim will say. And we all have Victim. We all have the Saboteur. We all have the Prostitute. We all have that Inner Child.

(31:29):

These are parts of us that are part of every human psyche. There's no one who does not have these parts of them. We all do. But the beauty of it is if you take the time and actually start looking at these things, your ego will start to dissolve. You have to see through your ego's voice and your ego self, or the ego's projections. So, what happens is the ego will project, “Look at me, I'm a great healer and I'm helping you because I have love and compassion,” but there's a part of you that feeds the ego with that piece of “look at how great of a healer I am. I know I should be really humble. So, I'm going to be really humble today with my healing abilities.” But on the other hand, the ego is eating it up. And again, nothing's wrong with that, right?

(32:31):

I mean, do not judge that part of yourself. The last thing you want to do is judge your ego. What you want to do is bring it into the light and say, “Oh, you know, you're saying those words all about humility and how that you're just a conduit of energy. But inside, you are so elated about the things that people are telling you, and you want to be a great healer. So you want to help these people. And you know that you can be the one to help them. You are the great helper of everyone. So, you want to look at that cute little ego because it will come up in weird ways and it will be very stealthy. The ego is super, super stealthy, and it kind of hides in the shadows and then comes out and gets its fix. And then it will hide back in the shadows.

(33:30):

So that's the best way to do it is to be really honest with yourself and not be afraid to look at it without judgment and with compassion, because look, this is the parts of you that are damaged. Your shadow is your pain. Your shadow is your trauma. Your shadow is your hurt. And the shadow is the parts of yourself that were not accepted in your family or in your society or in any institution that you were part of. So, I hope you understand that this is part of the Dark Night of the Soul series. And we did the Dark Night of the Soul: The Ego Dissolution and Dark Night of the Soul. And this one is The Ego Dissolution, Deep Transformation and Shadow Work. The next episode is going to be Ego Dissolution, Deep Transformation of the Ego. And we're going to go really deep into the ego to help you understand that part.

(34:38):

And then the episode after that, we're going to do Ego Dissolution: Transfiguration into the I AM. And in other words, we're moving through the ego, through the Dark Night of the Soul, through the shadow, understanding the ego. And when we do that, we start to transform and we become more of our higher consciousness. And this is a very important movement for spiritual seekers, lightworkers, star seeds, whatever label you need to put on yourself. Because if we deny these parts of ourselves, there's no way we are going to be coming more into the I AM, or more into our own higher consciousness. We cannot anchor in our higher consciousness if the ego is taking up a lot of room, we just can't. If our shadow is still hidden, there's no way your higher consciousness can fully anchor in to who you are. And this is a process. This is an evolutionary Ascension process. And look, we're all trying to get through this and I get it. I would love if you left a review, especially on Apple podcasts. If you rated the show, shared it with your friends, please do that. We need as many people as we can to transform and transmute that lower self so that we can anchor in the 5D. Sending you all love and great, amazing healing work for all of us. Have a great day!