Episode 002: Relationships

Transcription

Hi, in this episode, we're going to talk all about relationships and what it means to have a relationship as a spiritual person. I'm going to go over some boundaries. I'm being triggered by people that we are in relationships with and what it really means to be in a relationship. And I don't mean just loving. I mean, not just sex. I am talking about real relationships, all sorts of relationships. So make sure that you stay tuned. And if you love this episode or at least like it, you can subscribe. I totally get it. You're on this great spiritual journey and you're going along. You're trucking along enjoying it. And bam, you have a relationship that feels really good. And then bam, the relationship goes sour and it is a rollercoaster ride. I get it. This is the thing about relationships. We're going to talk about relationships, why certain relationships you should actually walk away from and what you can learn from relationships.

But before we get into people to people, human to human relationships, let's talk about being a human in 3d. We're humans and we have relationships with so many different things. You have a relationship with your phone. Yeah. You know, you and your phone have a little codependency going on. Right? You have a relationship with your dog or cat or pig. You have a relationship with your computer. I know my computer and I, we get along really well. I talk to my computer a lot. We have relationships with people, friends, families, the grocery store clerk. We have all sorts of different relationships. It's not one relationship. People assume, Oh, a relationship means it's my love. Uh, but no, A relationship means that you have an energy exchange.

So think about everything that you exchange energy with. My car, I exchange energy with my car, my kitchen, things in my kitchen. I exchange energy with things in my kitchen. Relationships mean that we are entangled energetically with something or someone. The reason I want to clarify this is because people assume relationships just mean with other people or maybe your pet, but really you have many relationships. And if you have difficulty in your human relationships, it will show up in your technology messing up. My point being is that all relationships mean an energy exchange. I  said it again, I know, but people don't understand that and I really want you to get it. And what does that mean when you are living your life, dealing with people every single day? It means that you're exchanging energy and that that will change the dynamics of all of your relationships.

Many times in our lives we move in and out of relationships. People that I was friends with or hung out with 20 years ago are not the same people. I do have some of the same friends, but my relationships have changed because I've changed. And as I've changed, I have different types of friendships and relationships with others. We are energy exchange beings. When you are with anyone and your experience in your world, there's an unspoken frequency that develops between people. And then it starts to entangle. And what that means is that your energy merges with the energies of whoever you hang out with. And that is why as a spiritual person, you may start to decide to let go of some relationships that just aren't working for you, or you just automatically start moving away from them. Think about it this way. An addict, if somebody is, uh, has an addiction and they're hanging out with other people who drank, let's say that's going to hurt their sobriety. And they're going to have to change friends because it's a trigger for them to be around people who drank. So they'll change the people that they're around. Same thing goes as a spiritual person, we attract people who are in alignment with our shadow selves. We develop relationships with people who can mirror our shadows to us. And when they do that, it triggers us. And what I mean by trigger is you get mad, you get upset, you feel disappointed, unlovable, whatever feelings come up for you you've been triggered. No person can trigger you. So any relationship that you have, they cannot trigger your issues. You are experiencing those feelings or reactions, regardless of what the other person is doing. You have to take responsibility for your own being and how you respond to any situations, how you feel about things, how you react, right? That's up to you. It's very empowering when you start to recognize that no matter what somebody else is doing your in your own power in, even if you react and you go, wow, I reacted that way, it must have been something triggering. Let me look inside and see, what was that like? What was that all about? And that will give you a power. It will make you feel more empowered in who you are, how you relate to others and in your life, we get triggered in our relationships, especially our very close relationships, the grocery store clerk, isn't going to trigger you the same way. Your mother, your sister, your brother, your cousin, your spouse, your partner will trigger you. And the reason is because, especially with our family, we hold the same DNA. So we have the same genetic patterns and they can really show us your shadows.

Now we're just going to put that on hold for a minute. I also want to talk about moving in and out of relationships before I go any further. Usually with all relationships, there's an ebb and flow, even with family members. You may have been closer to a family member when you were young. And now that you're older, you're not as close to that family member. Or you had a grandparent that you were really connected with and they passed away. This is because all relationships move in and out. It is just a flow of the universe. It's not our bad or good thing. It's just a flow. And that flow means that we're going to experience different types of relationships. So maybe your grandparent died and it was very devastating. And now you develop a different type of relationship with someone else similar to your grandparent, or maybe you did not. All relationships have to do with an exchange of energy.

There are times that you're going to have friendships and those friendships come and go. And this is because we are here to experience and exchange. I've been in communities where I've had really good friends and then it just flows out. Or even if it's a negative experience, I know and I truly understand that this friendship was supposed to end. And what I noticed when I was younger was that sometimes I would hold onto a friendship past its expiration point. I would want to keep that relationship, even though I knew things were not going so well, or it was time for me to kind of move on from that relationship. It was expiring, but I wouldn't let go because I thought that if I let go, then I wouldn't be lovable or that I would miss out on something. It really had to do with my own insecurities around people. And maybe you have the same experience where you hold on to relationships. I see a lot of men and women hold on to a possible romantic relationship, way, way, way past its expiration point, because they're may be afraid to be alone, or maybe they just don't know what it would be like not to have a relationship, or they just want to be loved. So they'll hold onto relationship, even though it's not healthy. This is because we, as humans, desire connection. We feel more aligned when we are part of a community or tribe, right? And that's all that root chakra stuff. If we feel that we're part of something, a political party, a relationship, a church, or just a bunch of people we all hang out with, our little group. We all go to dinner together. We do this because we need a tribe because as humans, a tribe makes us feel safe. And this is because there's a lot of us and we can ward off any attacks from other tribes or from animals. We can also help each other hunt and gather and all those other things to keep us surviving. When we don't feel like we're part of a tribe, it makes us feel like we may be unsafe.

Of course, all of this is happening subconsciously. I don't want you to think that this is a conscious thought. It's all subconscious, very subconscious, because we are here to gain experience and connect. We want relationships and that is normal. Now all relationships have this energy entanglement. When we feel connected, our energy and our issues kind of intertwine. And it's a very dramatic entanglement, meaning it really gets into all different creeks and crevices and little pieces and parts. And when we have all this entanglement, it then creates difficulty to disconnect or leave a relationship. But there are times that you need to walk away from certain relationships. Why would you need to walk away? You need to leave certain relationships because they're unhealthy. They are making you feel inadequate or not good enough. And the only way to really walk away is to work on whatever's coming up for you in that relationship.

Moving back to the triggers, I don't believe in walking away from a relationship just because you've been triggered hurt, or you're angry about something. I've seen this many times with people, they will just cut people off. Oh, you did something wrong to me. I'm cutting you off. You are no longer my friend. You are no longer my family. You are no longer anybody. Now I'm not talking about someone who's abused you for 20 years or someone who has a huge addiction issues. I'm talking about normal everyday relationships where we get mad at each other, we feel insecure, or we don't know how to talk to the person. Just normal relationships. People who cut off the relationship are actually doing themselves a huge favor. And this is why they're not learning anything. If they just cut it out and go you're no longer my friend, I'm going to cut you out, I'm never going to speak to you again. What have they learned? Have they learned about what was triggering them? Did they look inside? Did they take some time to self-reflect and ask themselves what's really going on here? What can I learn from this?
Or maybe we should sit down and have a real adult conversation about when you did that, that really hurt me. And this is how I felt. This is what I was perceiving. And when you're doing that, you’re being authentic and real. If you cut out a relationship without the time to do introspection and to maybe have a conversation with the other person, you're not allowing yourself to grow. And as a spiritual person, your job here, this is really your job here. It's not to make pancakes. Your job is to navigate relationships. When you navigate relationships, you start to understand yourself more. And if you're looking to ascend, it will clear some things to help you ascend to help you raise your vibration. And it will also give you the means to become more spiritually connected. Because when you can navigate relationships in this 3d world, then you have more alignment with your higher consciousness.

If you're just trigger, trigger, trigger, and annoyed, annoyed, annoyed, cutting people off, wanting everybody to do everything the way that you want them to do, controlling your environment. Sad about everything that actually pulls you down into a lower vibration and disconnects you from your higher vibration in your higher consciousness. Relationships are here to help us grow. When we are in a growth pattern, we move through relationships differently. And this is really kind of interesting. We'll move through relationships where we'll go, Oh, I notice I reacted in that way. And I see myself completely in the place of it's my responsibility to get this, understand this. And if I take responsibility, then I take back my power and I'm not giving my power away to someone else. And then I also notice, wow, there's this childish part of me that wanted to get revenge on this person. Interesting.

What am I doing here? I'm self-reflecting. What happens is in relationships is we project all our issues outside of ourselves. It's crazy, right? So we'll say, well, that person did this to me. Or that situation made me react this way. Or he said that, which made me feel this way. That's all projection. And again, nothing wrong with projection. I don't want you to think that if you projected or your ego got a little wonky and you whined about something or you're crying, dying, that's normal. Like, dude, you're a person, human being right here, normal to react. But if you go, okay, I reacted that way. Or I cried because it really hurt my feelings. And now I'm going to take a moment and introspect look inside. And some people may say, Oh, you do shadow work. And yes, I do believe in shadow work. Absolutely. You want to kind of look inside your shadow, but you also want to ask yourself, where is this really coming from? Am I holding on to an old belief system or an old pattern around everyone has to hurt me in order for me to feel loved because I was abused as a child, or I had siblings who always picked on me because I was the littlest? Those things are a great introspection. You're looking inside in yourself to see where it is, and that will help you in so many ways. You are here as a spiritual being to grow, to expand, to become a higher consciousness. We are in that time space, energy of this great expansion, this great awakening situation that's happening around us. And if you just go, Oh, that person triggered me. So I'm just going to be in triggered mode for the next three weeks and you don't take any time to look inside, then you're missing the greatest gift every single relationship gives you. And that is the ability to look at yourself. I know people who like to look outside of themselves a lot and they'll say, well, you're triggered, it's your problem. You did this, you did that, but they're not looking inside themselves. And what they did that is called spiritual ego. And you want to be really conscious of spiritual ego. We'll talk about that another day.

Now, when you are ready to walk away from a relationship, because that's going to happen, you have to be completely aware of yourself, who you are and love yourself before you walk away from that relationship. If you are in a really nasty, difficult relationship, absolutely you need to pack your bags and get out. I don't care if it's a friendship, a work experience, partnership get, but I'm talking about again, just regular relationships. For instance, before I personally left my husband, who I had been with almost 30 years, I had been with the same person before I left that relationship. I wanted to make sure that I dealt with all my entanglements with them, took a little time, but I really gave myself that energy in that time, even if I left the relationship, we were still dealing with some things to move through. I wanted to make sure that once I completely disengaged from that relationship, that I really grew as a human and that I could walk away with love in my heart for him and forgiveness toward him and empowerment within. And I'm not talking like, Oh, I got him, I got him. He got this. And I did that to him. I mean, spiritual power. I mean, power of love, compassion connection. So before I walked away completely from this relationship, I needed to do a lot of unentangled things because my relationship with him was super entangled after 30 years and a lifetime together. What I recognized is that I had to walk away because for me, and for him, it was the best thing. If I had stayed in that relationship, he would have gone in a really bad place. And I would have as well, because it was just becoming toxic between the two of us. We couldn't really solve the issues and it was time to walk away, but I knew I needed to work on myself and I did not stop working on myself. And that was a huge benefit But he did not work on himself. He's looking at for something or someone else to fulfill him. So he's looking still outside of himself for his love, for his feelings of worthiness, for his own inner energy, for him to feel like he has a purpose in life. It's all external me as a spiritual seeker. I wanted all of that inside of me.

I had been working for, 25 ore 30 years on myself, because I've always believed that we are evolving beings and that if we start to be stagnant or stuck, we need to look at what's going on. Look at our relationships, look at why we react that way. We become more connected with our higher consciousness. So I have been working on myself for a long time, but with all relationships, there's a time that it may just have to fall away. Or your relationship changes like I've had family or friends that my relationship with them has changed. It doesn't mean I don't love them. It doesn't mean that we don't still have a great relationship, but what it means is that it's not the same as it was before because I have changed or they have changed.

We came to this 3d world to experience, to experience what it means to be in a physical body, to eat a great Apple, to see a beautiful sunset. We have all these interesting senses and then we have this energy and it's so 3d, and then so multi-dimensional at the same time. We've come here to experience this world. And part of that is the karmic energies and how we relate in our relationships. When we can grow in this whole experience of a relationship, we grow in a whole different way. The experience is very different when you're working in a place of growth and expansion, many people get in a rut in their own spiritual evolvement or their human existence, let's say. And what happens is that they get stagnant. And then there, they just have no room for growth. They don't want to grow. They want to stay stuck in their belief system that this world is real. And that that person did this bad thing. And there's all this duality. You and I are against each other because duality keeps us separate, right? That's what the 3d experience is. When you hit a higher consciousness, you feel love even for the people who are supposedly bad or people judge them as bad or wrong. Now I'm not saying you have to bring people into your life who are not good people. I think you actually should be kind of an energy snob. And, uh, some people get triggered by the word snob, but look, if you want to keep your relationships and your energy at a higher vibration, you should be more discerning over who you hang out with. And you can like everybody and still decide who is going to be in your inner circle, your closest people. And it's okay. You don't have to have the same friend you had when you were eight years old.

When I started working with my first spiritual teachers, I remember them telling me that my best friend that I had known since I was nine and we were super close and in each other's weddings and we had this like very kind of co-dependent relationship. And I remember them telling me, Oh, she's hooking and courting you. And I was like, she is? I didn't even recognize it. And they're like, Oh yeah, definitely. So I started to, you know, cut my chords and hooks with her. But every time I felt like I could be a sovereign being, she would come and swoop back in and try to control what was going on. And I had to cut her out of my life. And that wasn't easy because she's very persistent. And what I ended up doing was sending her a letter and saying, look, we can't be friends anymore. And I knew that would hurt her, but I needed to do this for myself. And it was more for my own empowerment because once I broke away from her, I felt freer. I felt like I didn't have to do what she wanted me to do. I was sovereign and I was more empowered and independent.

We have to take into account that we are also part of that relationship. So it's not like this person did this terrible thing to me. And she was manipulating me and she was controlling me. No, I participated in all of that 100% at the time. I didn't really get it because I was in a different place in my own spiritual development. And we didn't have YouTube and people didn't talk about these types of things. But what I recognize now is that I'm responsible for how people treat me. I'm responsible for how people come into my life, what they do when they're in my life and how they exit my life. And maybe they exit in a negative way because that relationship was well past its expiration date and it needed to end, but maybe there was some co-dependencies or we felt weird things like I can't leave him because he needs me. That's a great excuse of why you can't leave a relationship, or he has this bad thing happening in his life. I have to wait until that's over so that he doesn't crash and burn. And I love that that type of thing is very compassionate and loving and kind, but at what expense? Maybe the expense of your happiness or your own spiritual connection. So I want to leave you with this great exercise for you to do. I want you to go through your relationships and take a really good look at what relationships seem to feed you in a positive way. And I'm not saying they're going to be perfect because no relationship is, but what seems to be positive in your relationships and what part of your relationships do you need to look at or work on, or have some time to take some deep introspection about and look at these relationships and how can you grow within the relationship? That's really important because that's what we're here to do, grow our consciousness. If we don't grow as beings, we're going to kind of have to do this whole thing over and over and over again. We don't want to do that. We're here to expand our consciousness, become more aware of how to navigate this 3d experience. And if we only sit in victim mode, that things are happening to us, and we're not taking our power back to become introspective and looking at our own stuff, it will get in our way. Now that would be great thing for you to do.

Now, let's go into just this one last thing, When it comes to abuse, mental, physical, emotional, spiritual abuse, or something that is detrimental to who you are or your psyche, you want to leave the relationship first and then do some introspection, like what made me decide that this would be a good relationship for me? What experience was I here to grow from? And to learn from? Because all relationships, including with your dog or cat, is a relationship for growth for expansion, including your relationship with yourself. So when you do your own introspection, look at your shadow, connect within. You are going to grow in a whole new way, because remember the most sacred relationship you have is with you, nothing outside of you, not your source, creator energy, not your brother, not your dog, you. That is the most sacred experience and relationship that you have because we are beings who are learning and experiencing on this plane of existence. And the way to do that is to connect within not without, because if this world is a matrix and we're everything within, we project outward. And we'll talk about that another day.

I send you so much love and gratitude. If you want to subscribe, and I'd love it If you did, you can find melidds@melissafeick.com.