Hi, welcome to the Spiritual Expansion Academy. I'm Melissa Feick.
In this episode, I am continuing my conversation with Christalene about energy vampires and how they affect us in our lives, and how we can take back our power from energy vampires. We have this great discussion about the stealth energy vampire and Christalene shares an amazing challenge with you all.
Melissa: So, hi, today I have Christalene here and we are going to be talking all about energy vampires. This is a topic that we both know a lot about, and we want to share our wisdom with you. So why don't you tell us just a little bit about yourself?
Christalene: Yeah, basically I'm a wife, a mom, an entrepreneur, and I love doing healing through body art and all canvases. So I'm basically channeling any intuitive energy through my artwork, as well as doing mediumship, connecting to people who have crossed over, and also giving some spiritual guidance or some healing messages. So that's pretty much my passion. Yeah.
Melissa: Yes, yes. And you're a gatherer of people, people like you, so they all gravitate toward you.
Christalene: Yeah. I've never been afraid, like in regards to, if you've got a whole bunch of friends to connect them, doesn't matter from what walks of life they are like just to bring them all together. And if they become friends through that networking or that connecting that's even more powerful. So I think that's important. Yeah.
Melissa: I told you early on that I knew you were a connector.
Christalene: Yeah. You said that and I'll tell you what you're definitely right about that
Melissa: I have that gift of connecting, but with all that connecting, do you find that there are people that you attract, that start to suck your energy or start to take things from you that you're not really willing to give?
Christalene: Yeah, absolutely. It's basically like a moth attracted to the light. You know, some people want that energy, which is fine, but there's got to be a give and take, you know, as you inhale and your exhale it's balanced. But when it becomes unbalanced, it becomes draining or depleted. You get sick, you have a headache, you know, you get a yucky feeling around these people.
Melissa: It's not easy to be around people who, because the thing is that spiritual people, they have this great energy. And especially if they're on point, right, if they're feeling really good about their life and they're doing a lot of things, and they have this sense about themselves and they're more on purpose, then those people tend to attract. Sometimes people will take advantage of their energy. Now most of the time, those people don't know that they're actually energy vampires. They have no idea because really energy vampires, it's all about them. They are more interested in themselves and what they're getting out of the relationship. So a lot of energy vampires are narcissistic. They could be sociopathic tendencies, not complete. They also are people who need attention and sometimes they're victims. So they want to draw an energy so that they feel better about themselves. I think that a lot of people themselves are energy vampires at one point in their lives. And they don't even realize it. Yeah. And it's not a bad thing. It's just your awareness of them coming into your life. And also your awareness of maybe how you might be sucking other people's energy or trying to manipulate people. Cause that's what I find a lot of energy vampires do, they manipulate, they try to control the situation.
Christalene: Yeah. You hit the nail on the head regarding, you know, that we all, at one stage in our lives, have been energy vampires as well as been around energy vampires. So then we can distinguish who they are. But, um, absolutely. I feel like when, when you're around these people it can be very difficult, you know, and draining, like I said.
Melissa: Draining, very draining. Especially, I think energy vampires are attracted to empaths. Right. Cause when you're empathic, you feel deeply. And you're also pretty energetic. Yeah, empaths tend to expand their energy out and they also absorb it in, and that's what empaths do. So because they put the energy out energy vampires are like, Ooh, that feels good. I want more of that. And they have this open heart and they're very loving and they're like, mm, that feels really good. So then they want more of that person. And then they want to be your best friend immediately. Yeah.
Christalene: Absolutely. That's right. In regards to they get stronger because they zap your energy and then you get weaker. And it's funny how that happens. That even with the impact, you could be at a supermarket standing in line waiting to check out. And the person in front of you is feeling sad. And because you're empathic, you're picking up on their emotions. And by the time you get to your car, you're depleted and you don't know why. Right. So, you know, there are methods also to prevent that from them.
Melissa: Absolutely. And we're actually going to do another podcast on energy vampires and boundaries, but everybody needs to understand the energy vampire experience and what it really is. So that they can distinguish and discern what an energy vampire is. And then we need to give them the tools to fine tune their boundaries and their energy because it's two different topics, kind of. Both of them are important because you can't have the topic of boundaries without talking about energy vampires.
Christalene: They go hand in hand
Melisssa: And again, I want to just say, energy vampires, a very strong word. It's a very strong statement. But what it means is that you feel drained after being around those people.
Christalene: Well, listen to your body. Like if you're around someone and your stomach's getting tense, and your body reacts, like you get anxiety or chest pains. Listen to your body. This is your body telling you that something's not right.
Melissa: When you were talking about how that energy affects you, I think that's a really good point that you feel drained and you also feel the emotional connection. But sometimes you also feel like, I don't know what's going on. You leave. And you're so confused. And you are confused about the conversation that you had. And you're confused about what transpired. And sometimes this happens over a long period of a friendship or a relationship. So maybe there was a little bit of energy vampire happening in the beginning of the relationship, but then it started to be very one-sided and Christalene is a giver, she just gives naturally. When you give a lot, people start to wonder what else they can get, especially if its energy, but also life, and experiences. But when you have a longer-term relationship and it's time for that, it feels more one-sided. How do you handle something?
Christalene: I tell you what, having gone through that myself, that's been one of the hardest things to face really. And also you taught me in regards to taking responsibility. You know, we allow people to treat us how they do. So when we see those red flags and we dismiss, or we're in denial, that it's nothing much, or they’ve gone through a hard time. Then it becomes manipulative, or it becomes more and more, and then you don't want to be around them. It's very hard to break that. Well, you know, to distance yourself. And the thing is with energy vampires, they can be friends. They can be family, they can be strangers, but the worst is when they are family or very close friends, you know,
Melissa: How do you distance yourself from somebody who you love, but you know that they're not the healthiest person for you right now?
Christalene: So I would say the first thing is once I'm aware and pay attention then, I'm going to be noticing it more and more. So I have to convince myself that this decision I'm making is for my highest good. Then the hardest bit is communicating and telling this person, perhaps. If they mean a lot to you, I think that they need to know. Perhaps writing them a letter, or having a face to face conversation regarding how you feel, and honoring yourself, which is difficult.
Melissa: Because you're a giver and you don't want to hurt people's feelings.
Christalene: No, but I also, for my sake, cannot physically hold things in. If I feel a certain way when the time is right, I need to talk about it. Yes. We're very expressive. Yes. There's no blocked throat. Chakra. It's very important for those of you who want to speak your truth, but find it difficult. The thing is that you ended up getting sick. You might get a sore throat, a sore stomach, whatever it may be. It physically starts taking its toll. And not only that, it's taking its toll on people around you because you're stressed or angry, you’re agitated. Once you know, you communicate with these people or this person, then I feel like you've got to distance yourself and have integrity. Stick to what you say. If you don't want to see them every day, but maybe slowly wean off and see them once a week, then maybe once a month until…
Melissa: Yeah. And maybe they can change. So that's the thing, you know, we don't know that we're sucking other people's energy until you start to become more sensitive to your own issues. People don't know that, and some people need to be shown this relationship is not balanced and you can possibly even work through that. So let's say it's somebody who is a business partner and you have a lot of time and money invested in that and they're kind of going through something and they want you to do everything. Well, you have to work that out because you don't want to dissolve something that is working on a lot of levels, but just not on that level. Because you can come in and out of being an energy vampire depending on what the situation is. Now, that is a little bit different than people who are consistently energy vampires. So the consistent ones, I mean, I've had to kind of distance myself.
Christalene: Wow. And then this keeps bringing things up until you deal with it. Say, for example, you had someone in high school that was an energy vampire and you didn't really deal with it. And then you go to a work environment and the person you're working with is an energy vampire and you didn't really deal with it. It's going to keep coming throughout your life until you deal with it until you face it, communicate which doesn't have to end in a bad confrontation. No, you said they don't necessarily know some people.
Melissa: I think a lot of people don't know because I don't do vampires. It's all about them. They're very self-absorbed. So if they're going through a problem, it's just about their problem. And if you said, hey, I'm going through something similar, they would just keep on talking about themselves and not really be honoring what's going on with the other person. So they don't know that, but some people are, that's all they'll ever be. And that's okay too. But you have to discern what kind of person you want to be around? What makes that person be attracted to someone like you or me?
Christalene: Well, sometimes people see something in somebody else that they would want for themselves. And it doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. It could be for example, confidence that I wish I could get up and teach a workshop in front of 50 people and not feel insecure. So therefore, they're thirsty. They want to know more about you. They want to know how to get to be like that. So I think it's more, they're attracted to something that they want. That it's a good thing, it doesn't necessarily mean it's malicious.
Melissa: So it could be just it's your energy.
Christalene: Yeah. It does more energetically rather than physically.
Melissa: Right? Right. And sometimes I find that they get off on the energy. So I had a friend in school, I knew her since I was nine years old. And she would always be like, I love being around you Missy (that was my nickname). And I love being around you. I love being around you. And you know, we go through middle school and high school and then I ended up living with her in Boston after I graduated from college and she would just suck me dry. And I didn't know this at all at the time. I had no idea, even though I was a psych major. No one ever talked about energy vampires, back then I felt so depleted. Sometimes she would just go bananas and come after me, and attack me. I felt drained all the time. And when I realized, I had to cut her out of my life, obviously. But what I realize now is that I did have this really loving, open energy. I've always had that energy and I was easily sucked. Yeah. I gave it up.
Christalene: Oh, I gave it so easily. And…
Melissa: Now that I know that I know what they look like, what they smell like, and how they feel to me. And it's easier for me to say no to that, where before I wouldn't want to hurt anybody's feelings. As I've gotten older, I have to say, age has helped me a lot. When I was younger, I wanted people to like me and I wanted to not feel insecure about who I was. So I wanted people. So I give them more and I would give to feel better about myself. But what I realized is that these people need to fulfill some sort of thing that's lacking inside of them. So they are looking to drain your energy ,and some are really good. She was an expert at draining energy. She was probably…
Christalene: She was one of your biggest teachers, because from a young age, you learn to detect. Cause I have to say one of your, amongst many of your great qualities that boundaries like and detecting, I think you're like spot on. I think like in a crowd you could, you would know. Yeah. I feel really good about that.
Melissa: Yeah. Because I've had to be. Remember I started teaching when I was in my early thirties and back then, nobody talked about energy vampires. Nobody talked about boundaries or any of these things. And I had to learn it because I was teaching people and people would want more from me and I'd be like, well, now this person is calling me all the time and wanting free this and do this. And I was like, wait a minute, I have a family, I have friends. I have to distinguish, I have to pull away and say, okay, my friends are these people, and my clients are these people. And that's really how I did it. Yeah.
Christalene: Yeah. That's really, really hard, you know. Someone taught me what a client had taught me about fog. Don't do things that are fear, obligation, or guilt and to live life by those three words is one of the hardest things. I challenge anyone to try that for one day. It's really say it again, do things that are fear, obligation or guilt, fear, obligation,
Melissa: High energy, like
Christalene: Imagine your neighbor rings. And is like, hey, can you look after my dog for a month? I'm going away. She knows you're right next door, and that you don't have that many responsibilities. And you don't want to. If your body's saying no, then say I'll get back to you. You don't have to say no straight away because that would be out of obligation. Something like you feel like you have to do it because you're scared.
Melissa: Well, yeah. Fear comes from within, and a lot of that fear is subconscious. So fear that you may not like me if I don't take care of your dog, or fear that you might tell the other neighbors how bad I am. Oh, and that's public shame. Right? Fear of public shame. But what I want to talk about are the stealth energy vampires. Those are the people who come in, come in for the, the suck and fly out really fast. Now they can be the people who show up in your life for a moment. And they come in and they do things that make you feel defensive or they trigger you in some way and they suck your energy. And then they leave. So you're at a party, you're an acquaintance, and you walk into the party and they're like, well, so Melissa, I heard that you were teaching a class on mediumship. I do mediumship, and at first you're like, Oh great, they're excited about what I'm doing. And now all of a sudden there is a jealous energy, a energy of competition. And I'm using that as an example, because it's an example from my life, but it can also be an example in work where you are working on a project and that person wants to get in good with the boss. So they come in and stealth in a stealth-like way, come in and sabotage you to the boss. And they are doing it in this stealth, behind the scenes energy. Does that make sense? Yeah. They're the hardest to spot. They're the ones who have an ulterior motive, but nobody knows the ulterior motive because it's stuffy. So they come in, they come in for the kill and then they come out and they go, I didn't say anything. I didn't say that to the boss. I don't know where they came up with that situation or that X thing. But yeah, they come in, they zap you, and then they leave. And then for days you're still trying to decipher what happened. Energetically. Yeah. Interesting.
Speaker 3 (20:19): talk about WTF, what energy did you two conjure up that the transcription heard as a third person in the room??!!!!
Yeah. You know that expression, I made it up.
Christalene: Self-proclaimed energy. [inaudible] late nights, the fly and off. I do not know what she was trying to say.
Melissa: That's it. Nice. The fire. Exactly. Exactly. They're stealthy, and those types of people are drawing your energy and they're taking their energy, your energy with you. So they're hooking according you. And we'll talk about that boundaries one, but they're hooking according to you and then stealthily moving away. So nobody knows that they're doing this unless people are really observant and aware because of the hurricane, like when everything's starting to settle and then you process what's happened at the time. You may not know. So do you have any examples of that stuffy people as you're talking? The only thing I can think of these when I'm teaching a workshop and there's a particular client in the workshop who may drop little snippets and rude comments to try and degrade me so that she can feel higher. Yeah. So that's, that's the closest I can. Yeah.
Well those are, to me. I mean the overt ones. The ones that are hardest to find are the ones that you already have relationships with because they're harder to name. I know you love them so deeply, but they're sucking you dry. You're feeling overwhelmed whenever they're around. You're like, Oh, I can't do this anymore with this person. Or they're constantly talking about themselves or everything revolves around them. It can be very draining. Those are hard and the stealth ones are hard. The people who you're kind of acquaintances with who are really trying to suck you dry, they're easier to spot and they're easier to manage. And they're easier to get rid of, it's the ones who are stealthy and the ones who you know, well.
The other thing I want to touch on with energy vampires is that when you're a heart-based person and you love fully, don't shut that down because that's what makes you beautiful and unique. You want to be able to deal with people in your life, but still be authentic to who you are. And I want to leave you with that because to me that's so important, to stay in your heart, but also to be clear in who you are so that they're not draining your energy. And what would you want to leave people with just to be aware, to listen to your body and to pay attention. You know, we all have an inner GPS that guides us and directs us, which way to go. So paying attention to that. Excellent.
If you enjoyed this episode with Kristalina and I, please subscribe at melissafeick.com. And if you really loved it, leave a review.
So sending you all love