In this episode, I’m going to talk about what it means to be validated as a person. And what it means to be in your ego’s power or in your spiritual power. Sometimes people aren’t going to like us and we have to be okay with that. One thing I’ve recognized through the years is that I want to be liked. I want somebody to validate me, and so do many of my clients. I completely understand why, in our world, if people like us, we’re part of a tribe and we’re safe when we have other people gather around us, we’re safer. But as a spiritual teacher, I’m faced with a lot of situations that create opportunities for me to expand my understanding of the ego and the soul and the growth and spiritual awakening. Now, one of the most important things that I’ve discovered is to be true to your spiritual power, both within and recognizing how we project our power without, because the ego can sabotage our spiritual power and I’ll go into later what spiritual power is.
Let me give you an example, this came to light. A fellow teacher felt I was too strong of a personality and she wasn’t happy with the way the class that we were teaching together went. And at that time I was really looking at my own responsibility and what I needed to do to be responsible for my life. At the time I really didn’t understand why she felt that way. I tried to console her, but she was really upset because what I recognized is I failed to meet an expectation she had of me. I was totally unaware of this specific expectation. I left the class that night and driving home, my ego got involved and started to talk about how most of the students there were my friends and my students and it droned on and on all about how her group of friends and students didn’t want to be part of the class. I heard my ego say, her friends don’t like me, and an insecure energy came over me. It was like a full body you’re not good enough. It was so powerful. And this is a really old story that my ego loves to convince me is true. And it was really working overtime that day. And I was like, yeah, of course I’m not liked by her group. I don’t fit in. I’m always the odd one out. I’m a weirdo.
My ego went on and on and on. I felt like I was back in high school and I was being rejected by the only group that mattered. I felt insecure. I was fearful. And I remember that, at the time, I just wanted to hide. I just wanted to curl up in a little ball and hide away from the world. It was so crazy how my ego was just going on and on and on making up stories, telling me all sorts of things, making me feel more and more insecure. And the more the ego told me how terrible I was, the more I felt insecure and unhappy and disconnected. And then all of a sudden, my higher consciousness chimed in and I heard, what would you do differently in order for them to like you or for them to accept you as part of their group?
I was stunned, I did not know what to answer for a second then I said nothing, I wouldn’t have done anything different. And at that moment, all the insecure feeling and all those thought forms totally dissipated, left me, and I felt something else. It was this inner power. And it’s a sense of spiritual power. I really, at that moment, noticed the difference between the spiritual power I was experiencing in that moment and the ego power that was trying to hold me back into my past. The difference was so powerful. I really understood the energy of both and the function of both, of the spiritual power and the ego power and how the spiritual power is foreign to our ego’s understanding of power and how most people don’t even understand what spiritual power really is, and how they hold themselves back, because they’re still in their ego power.
I know that this power helped me recognize my ability and strength within, and then also how the ego was really powerful in its own right. And how it could completely take over my life and how stealthy it was. I recognized that it’s so stealthy, it comes in this back door or the side door and all of a sudden, bam, it demolishes joy, power, inner peace, love, it demolishes it all. So at that time, my higher consciousness went on to say, when I’m in a place of spiritual power and others don’t understand what it is, they get in their own ego power. And so many of us are conditioned to be nice. And we want to people, please, we want people to like us and I’ll stop my spiritual power, I will end the energy or I’ll hold back and let my ego take over so that people don’t feel insecure.
They won’t understand what it means to be in their spiritual power. And they’ll see my spiritual power as something to resist because the ego wants to resist spiritual power. It wants the power. It wants to be like the high-end mighty most important thing in our lives because it thinks that will keep us safe. Being liked was really important my whole life. But what I’ve realized is that’s part of my ego’s need, and it’s not really an energy that I want to have. It was obvious. My ego wanted to be liked by the other teacher and their friends. And I was upset because I hurt my friend and my ego wants to go in all sorts of directions with this, to defend myself. But I knew within my core self, I never meant to hurt her, but I had to take complete accountability for the situation without any blame or belittling or any kind of ridicule.
What you have to understand is that spiritual power can be overwhelming to someone who’s not feeling in their power. And it kind of changed how I perceived the experience itself. I want to take full responsibility for anyone that I hurt. So if I hurt someone, it’s my responsibility, mostly because I want to be responsible for my own integrity. And I no longer want to change who I am for someone to like me. I realized that my soul didn’t really care. If I was liked, my soul was like, dude, we don’t care. We’re all chill. And one thing about personal responsibility is I’m not responsible for how she feels. Those are her feelings. They’re unique to her, but I am responsible for any part that I played and her feelings. This gives me a power and understanding and a compassion for other people, instead of saying, well, they just feel that way.
It wasn’t my intention to make them feel like that. That is a cop out to me. If you say, okay, I validate how you feel. I understand that was really difficult. And I understand the part that I played in this. And if you want to hear where I was coming from, I’d love for you to listen to me and be available for that. I don’t want to do that in a defensive way. You don’t want to be defensive to defend yourself or to defend what you, but if you just say, Hey, I just know that this is who I am. I apologize if it hurt you in any way. And I want to understand and recognize this pain that you’re in. And I understand that I was part of this situation. And that’s when you empower yourself to be responsible for your experience in the world.
When you take responsibility for your experience, not for the way other people feel, but your experience, whether it’s good, bad, or neutral, you are empowered in your life and you hold more of your own spiritual power. And I’ve watched this through the years, sometimes when I’m in my spiritual power, people may not like me because they feel insecure and uncomfortable with themselves and their own power. They’re unaware of what their power means, and can’t fully embrace, with full integrity and compassion, the power that’s necessary to be a vibrational leader, unless I’m in my spiritual power. Even when people don’t like me because of it, they have every right not to be in their power and not to like me, even if they are in their spiritual and they don’t resonate with me. That’s cool too, because it’s my ego that wants to be liked.
That’s where it comes from, our egos, insecurities and feelings, inadequate, or not good enough, or sad, or depressed, or angry. That’s all old traumas, old egos. And the more we clear that the more we’re able to embrace our spiritual power. If you want to be a spiritual leader and be in your spiritual power, you have to hold a frequency and not change who you are to be liked, because if you allow your spiritual power to wane or to disconnect from that, just to be liked, you’re out of your integrity. You’re out of your connection with your soul self and being in alignment with who you truly are. I see spiritual power as an energy of compassion, love, strength, because that’s a spiritual energy and that’s what our souls are connected to. And it would be a huge disservice for doing anything outside of being in your spiritual power.
When your ego comes up and rears its crazy little head and says all sorts of whackadoodle things, you want to just take a moment and sit back and say, okay, what are you talking about? Is this true? Is this my ego’s voice or my higher consciousness voice? When we want to be liked or we want to fit in, or we want to feel special, we do a disservice by allowing other people to tell us who and what. That’s, what we did in our childhood. We did what everybody else expected of us. Maybe your family saw you as the bad guy, or the one who didn’t quite get anything right. And you had to be the bad guy or the rebel, and you’re actually doing what they wanted you to do and be who they wanted you to be.
When you placate your ego’s need to be liked and ignore your spiritual power within you are doing your higher consciousness a disservice. I know it’s hard. You kind of weighing between higher consciousness, ego, higher consciousness, ego. I have to be really conscious of that because the spiritual ego will start to rear its funny little head and spiritual ego is all about saying, Oh, well I understand everything because I’m more spiritual than you and spiritual ego is so stealthy in the way that it communicates with us and how it works through us. I’ll do another podcast on spiritual ego, but let’s just keep on working on this whole spiritual power. And as a spiritual person, you’re ready to step up and become a vibrational leader. And in order to do that, you need to recognize the difference between your spiritual power and your ego power.
When you’re in your spiritual power, you allow others to be who they are without fear, without defensiveness, without anger, because you’re able to hold a space for your true power to shine through, which can be really helpful for other people to have that same energy and that same ability. A lot of times I see when people are in their ego power, they tend to overpower people and they tend to make people feel insecure. Spiritual power can also be very intimidating because people aren’t sure of their own spiritual power and they start to recognize their own fear or low self-esteem, or they’re not good enough issues. And you holding the space of being compassionate and loving to them in your spiritual power. It actually helps other people be in their power. They become more of a spiritual foundation for others to step into their own power.
In other words, when we are letting go of the egoic self, the funny little quirks and stories that it tells, and being more present with your higher consciousness, your spiritual power comes through, your heart opens. You are so much more loving, compassionate, kind, and you’re more understanding to other people’s plight. And when you do that, other people can then mirror that energy and become more in their own authentic power. So if you are a vibrational leader, you’re expected to hold a space for others and to be accountable for your life so that they can be accountable for their life and help them recognize their spiritual power. If we lived in a world where more people were in their spiritual power and less their ego power, we’d have a whole different experience. So many things would be different in our world. Society wants to control us.
If we are in our spiritual power, there’s no way society, institutions, political systems, can control us because spiritual power is unable to be controlled. It’s too expansive. It’s too grounded. It’s too aware. The ego is totally easy to control. The ego can be controlled by so many outside forces that the institutions and systems want to keep us in our ego self, because then we’re easier to control. And we do what society tells us to do, or what our parents wanted us to do, or what our tribe, or new institution expects of us. And we placate that egoic self, we keep bringing that ego into the mix and spiritual power gets pushed to the side. Overall, it’s more empowering to be true to yourself when you’re not trying to be liked by others. It frees you up to become more authentic and real, and that authentic spiritual power, sometimes warrants having a difficult conversation with others.
People are afraid to have those difficult conversations. Like let’s sit down and talk about how this all went and not bringing up our egos and projecting our egos back and forth to each other. That’s not easy because difficult conversations mean that you have to be vulnerable, that you have to be real and authentic, and you can’t keep your ego in the front line and have an authentic, real conversation. When we have conversations through the egoic voice, it is painful and mean, and it causes a lot of issues in relationships. Having a powerful conversation where you’re both taking responsibility for what was experienced, you both stand in your spiritual power, you both open your heart and see compassion and validate each other’s feelings. You’re going to get so much more out of that relationship. It’s going to grow. It’s going to expand, and that relationship’s going to hit a whole new frequency, and you’re going to understand yourself and the other person so much more.
When you come from that spiritual higher consciousness, you are more alive. You are more real. You’re able to be in service in a whole new way. What I’ve really learned from all of this and through all the years that I’ve done spiritual coaching and one-on-one sessions and readings and my own and our work, I believe in always working on yourself and my own inner work. I no longer want to apologize for who I am or do anything different just to be liked. I want to be authentic to who I am. If that means that I’m a little goofy sometimes, Oh well. If I laugh at inappropriate things, that’s who I am. And I can’t, and don’t want to change that. I want to be fully aware of my energy and love regardless of any situation.
That doesn’t mean I’m bringing every single person into my life to be my best friend. What I mean is I can love you and honor who you are and where you’re coming from without needing to be your best friend. You don’t have to be best friends with everyone. When my kids were little, I used to say to them, you’re not going to like everybody. It’s just the way life goes and not everyone’s going to like you. And it’s okay. That’s actually good because it teaches you stuff about you. I used to tell them if you don’t like someone, that’s okay, but be nice to them. You don’t need to be mean to someone just because you don’t really resonate with who they are and you don’t really get who they are. You should always be nice to them and honor who they are and where they’re coming from. And I noticed to this day, my kids tend to like many people. They don’t have a lot of people they dislike. And I believe that it’s because they understand that we’re such unique beings and they honor who people are. And they always see the good in people. They always see the positive. You know, everybody sees a little bit of negative here and there, but I do feel that it’s because they understand that you’re not going to like everybody and not everybody’s going to like you. And there’s a power in that.
I was talking to someone last night, and I said, I’m not going to change who I am for anyone or anything thing. I really meant it. I didn’t want to apologize or be someone that other people wanted me to be because I was, we want to be that vibrational leader for others. And if I’m authentic to who I am, then others have the availability to be authentic and vibrational leaders themselves. When I listen to those two voices, the ego and the higher consciousness, I became more aware of who I really was on a whole new level. It was like, I grew up, it was like, I was no longer that insecure teenager. And I wasn’t living in that light anymore. I didn’t need to prove myself to anyone. Having this spiritual power meant so much. I think that over the years it’s helped me become a better teacher and a better healer because I recognize my ego so much, which more than I used to when I was younger. And I really understand that difference of vibrational spiritual power and that ego power. It’s given me a real strength and courage to let go of that need to be liked or fit in. I don’t need a lot of people in my life to authenticate who I am and it doesn’t mean I don’t want friends or family or loved ones.
I really want to encourage people to be who they truly are. So take some notes of what is it in your life that you’ve been holding onto that other people want you to be, maybe the, you were told your whole life that you weren’t smart. And you’ve always held yourself back from doing certain things, because you felt you weren’t smarter enough to do that. Or maybe you’ve held yourself back because you were told that one really likes our family, that our family is the bad guys. I actually have people in my life. Yeah. That told their children that no one in our family likes us. No one likes us. And then everybody wonders why they don’t want to be part of the family because they were told no one likes them.
I completely understand that we’re just doing the best we can. We’re trying to get through life. There are times that our ego comes up and there are times we think that it’s telling us the truth and we are very hooked in to its it’s feelings, It’s ideas, it’s beliefs systems. And that’s okay. Every time you call out your ego and you go, Hey, dude, I hear what you’re trying to say, And I recognize the falseness of what you’re saying. That’s one of the ways that you’re going to be more aware of your higher consciousness and your ego consciousness, your higher self words, and your ego’s words. You want to be very conscious of not getting too empowered from your spiritual power and feeding it into the ego. That’s what happens when you develop spiritual ego, your spiritual power of love and compassion and understanding starts to feed the ego. And the ego goes, Oh, that’s a fun identity, I’m going to take on that identity more. And then the ego will start to develop its own persona around the spiritual self.
I noticed that with Doreen Virtue. I was an angel therapy practitioner back in 2004, so I was able to witness some of the things that she would do. And what I noticed was she had these minions and these were people who gathered around her, who fed her ego. And she also developed this whole persona of her goddess angelic self and how she kept that as, this better than your kind of energy. And when she would be around a group of people, she would literally, have all the people around her, surround her. So nobody would talk to her or hurt her energy because her energy was too important for anyone else to get near. And if anybody got near her energy, she was afraid something bad would happen or that she wouldn’t have control over her energy.
She came from so much fear, but she developed this spiritual ego. At least that’s what I witnessed, not saying it’s right or wrong, but I just saw a lot of spiritual ego around her and how she presented herself. What happens in that is that you start to believe in this part of yourself. Then she turned into being a very strong Christian, and it didn’t surprise me because she sat in so much fear when I knew her. And I didn’t know her like on her daily basis, I just witnessed and watched how she would interact with people, how she would speak to people, how she wouldn’t talk to people, how she kept everybody at arms-length, and how she felt like, Oh, I have to keep my energy really clear. And I do believe in clearing your energy. There was a lot of ego attached to it, but she had this fear that something bad would happen to her. That is conducive to a Christianity where they use fear to control.
A lot of spiritual people have that spiritual ego where they believe that they are very special or that they have uniqueness that someone else doesn’t have. And that is separation. It keeps us separate from who we truly are and keeps us bogged down and attached to the mundane world and keeps us attached to our desire to control and manipulate those around us, other people and our world. We spend too much time disempowering others and disempowering ourselves, your ego’s voice. And it’s time for us to really take charge of our spiritual power and to be more in alignment with that, less in alignment with our own fears, our angers, our discontent, because those energies are going to keep up stuck in the vibration of duality. We’re also not going to see the potential of others through love and light and compassion. I’m sure right?
In some way or another to step up as a vibrational leader is about holding a higher frequency to help others raise their conscience and be less attached to their own inner projections and their egoic voice, and to become who they truly are. Why don’t you play with this a little bit and look at in your life when you weren’t being true to yourself, when you are allowing others to take your power and make your ego whine over silly little things. How you were less likely to connect to your spiritual power and more likely to connect to your ego power, and how that affected you and how it affected the people around you.
Something that may help you develop more of a higher consciousness connection and less ego connection is my divine love meditation that you can, you can find on my website, Melissafeick.com. It’s all about giving, receiving love, super high vibrational. A lot of people have experienced great things with it.
I also have an ongoing subscription program. I’d love for you to join. It’s Multi-Dimensional Healing, Raise your Vibration and Accelerate Your Ascension Process. It is a year-long subscription. Spirit showed me how to move through some deep healing for all of us, so that we can accelerate our Ascension and become more of a higher consciousness and let go of our lower energies. So I’d love to see you there. Again, you can find that at melissafeick.com.
I send you so much love and light.