There is a dark side to being a healer and spiritual empath. You have to look at the depth of your issues so you can be an empowered healer so you can empower others to heal. And you can be an amazing healer while still working on your own issues. You don’t have to be healed to heal others.

Akashic Records Certification


Hi, in this episode, I'm going to discuss the wounded healer and the darker side of being a healer and being on your spiritual path. And this isn't a negative, darker side. It's something that we all have to pay attention to and recognize so that we aren't sacrificing ourselves as healers or as people who want to help other people which means that you're a healer or a helper to me, there's no difference energetically. And we want to look at what is the wounded healer and what is the darker side of the healer. We all have that shadow and that's what we're going to look at.

But before we do, I just wanted to tell you all that for my Akashic Record certification, I actually have a really great bonus for the first 20 people who sign up. I'm going to give them all a 15 minute reading and you'd be surprised what I can get done in 15 minutes! It's a huge bonus. And I'm excited to share that with you. The Akashic Records certification, to find out more about it, it's And if you want to know more about what the Akashic Records are, just go to my website and you'll get a really great idea.

What I want to share about this wounded healer is more my own take on it and what I've learned through the years and less about Carl Young on archetypes. But I do want to say that the archetype of the healer has been around for a very, very long time. We've always had healers in every single culture across the world. You'll also find in families, there's the person who always takes care of everyone. The healer who wants to make you chicken soup, the person who is always making sure you have enough of your medication.


Do you need anything? Do you want me to bring dinner over? That person is in a lot of families. And if they don't have their own family to take care of, they'll find people to take care of. They'll ask, what do you need? What can I do for you? Let me bring you something. Can I help you with that? They need to be needed. That’s one of the things that happens with the wounded healer is they need to be needed. And sometimes they'll even create difficult situations so that they are needed. And of course, subconsciously created. And look, we need people to help us because people get hurt. They get wounded, they get injured. They're in the hospital. They have emotional issues or things that come up for them and they need someone to help them.


And the person who wants to take care of everyone, that's the one who's going out of their way to help everyone and anyone in their path. Now, this wounded healer, they could be the caregiver. They could be a doctor. They could be a nurse. They can be a therapist. They can be a spiritual healer, all of that. And you want to look closely at this because many, many empaths are healers and they are these wounded healers that I'm talking about because they have not dealt with their own issues, their own wounds and their own inner turmoil. And because of that, they project out to take care of others. And this is the most amazing part. Most of us want to take care of others because we maybe feel like we were not taken care of or helped when we were younger or we always helped our parents or our siblings.


So we only know ourselves as the helper and the healer and the caregiver. I can't tell you how many clients that I've had, who have been the ones who are helping their drunk father and dealing with their emotionally distant mother and taking care of everyone and everything in the household, even as they're being traumatized regularly. Now, of course, there's a positive side to all of this. That is healing from your heart, trying to help people because you care and love them. And of course, every wounded healer definitely believes that. And definitely feels that I want to help you because I love you. Every single healer has that. I'm an empath spiritual person. So I'm not discounting that, but there's always this deeper side. And you know, me, I want to go deep with things. I want to look closer and be more aware of all the subtle nuances we do as spiritual people, because it's in those nuances, in those shadow energies, in the depth, that's where this huge amount of transformation can happen.


When we really look deep into our own issues. Many, many years ago, I actually had this whole thing that I was a healer and there were all these things leading up to that. And I had a neighbor who was super Christian, would be away on Halloween and never put up Halloween decorations, major Christian energy. And I was so afraid that she would call me a witch and burn me at the stake. So here was my wounded healer. I wanted to help others, but I was afraid. I was afraid of being found out. I also remember at that time was this huge ego that I had. And I thought, I can't heal thousands and thousands of people. They're all going to be lining up for me to heal them. And it's going to be overwhelming. And I won't know what to do because there will be so many people. Everyone's going to want me to help them and heal them.


And I remember saying to Jesus, “I just can't sacrifice myself so much,” but that was really the ego. Yeah. I'm almost blushing as I admit this, but at the time, remember, this was many years ago and there weren't a lot of healers, especially where I lived. I lived on the east coast, outside of the Washington DC area in Maryland. There weren't a lot of healers or teachers at the time. And I thought, oh my gosh, if I'm a healer, then I'm going to have to be responsible for healing everyone. And that was 100% ego, but it was really my wounded healer that was coming out. That wounded healer is that part of me that sabotaged my own healing, that sabotaged my ability to help others by being afraid of being a healer. Oh, I'm afraid to be a healer. It's going to be difficult to be a healer.


And all of that is just this egoic creation that's made. One thing you may not know about me is I actually went to college for psychology. And I definitely know that that is exactly what I'm doing now. People fascinate me. And that is why I actually went to school thinking I was going to be a traditional psychologist. I was even planning on getting my graduate degree, but what I realized when I started to get to know my psychology teachers, I was floored because I thought, my gosh, these people are wackadoodles. They do not have any of their stuff together. They are a mess. And what I realized in that time, here I am in college, you know, crazy college student doing all the things that you do in college, including studying right, going to classes and playing and partying and having a good old time.


But what I realized is that they were really messed up and these psychologists went to school for psychology to fix themselves. And then I thought, why am I going into psychology? Oh, I know because I’m messed up and I need to fix myself. That was a huge realization. And I thought, do I really want to do this? Is this really what I'm supposed to be doing in my life? And I need to work on myself because if I'm that messed up, I don't want to be messed up at 45, 55, 65 years old like my teachers, my professors were at the time. And that is why a lot of healers go into healing because they're really trying to heal their own wounded self, their own issues. And unfortunately, the shadow of many, many healers is the projection of their wounds on others. And how we do that is that we attract people who we can save because we're looking to save ourselves.


And yes, this is a very deep concept. So maybe take a second and breathe that in. What part of me am I trying to save by saving others? And this doesn't mean that you're not doing this for the right reasons. I don't mean that in any way, shape or form. Of course your heart is big. Of course, you're trying to help others, but it's really good to be so honest with yourself. What are my wounds? What am I taking on? What are the shadows within me? so that you're not projecting that onto other people, especially if you're healing. Because if you are seeing your own damage in others and projecting that and using them as mirrors, you're going to be triggered. And you're going to have more difficulty in your relationships with the people that you're trying to help. And I understand as a healer, you want to help people and you can't help but help people.


You may be a caregiver. You may be a healer. Most people on the spiritual path have this desire to help in some way. And it could be in so many different ways. It doesn't necessarily mean that you are going to be a healer. It could also mean that you're going to be a spiritual teacher or a yoga teacher, or maybe even a caregiver for someone in your family or someone in your life. It doesn't mean that it's one thing or another. I always think that all of these things are very broad energies. And when you try to put it in a box, it actually dilutes the energy itself. So don't think it has to be a “healer.” A person who does Tarot readings can be a healer. So it doesn't have to be the way that you're thinking. A lot of people put ‘healer’ in a box.


I don't want no shit in boxes. I don't believe in boxes because that is not the real world and our energy system. That is not what the world is. It's not in a box. There's so much fluidity in our world. And this is the thing most empaths are on the spiritual path. Most empaths want to help people. So if you're empathic, that means that you're probably a healer or a helper. And that's exactly what I'm talking about. So most people who want to help others, there is this part of them that they are missing and they want to help themselves. And they do project it on to other people. And most of the time, the wounded healer isn't even aware of their own limitations or their own wounding. They are looking to rescue others and they need to help others and rescue them. But it's really because they want to be rescued or they weren't rescued as children.


So it's very emotionally triggering for them. They also may feel that they're very selfless in what they do, but in reality, they're actually martyring themselves. They will sacrifice their own wants, their own needs, their own happiness in order to help someone else or become a people pleaser, or make sure that they are giving, giving, giving, giving. And they're not really allowed to receive anything. And that is not the frequency of our universe. Our universe is always about the flow of energy. As you give, the movement comes back around like a circle back to you and you receive. So when you are sacrificing to the point where you're sacrificing and not receiving, then you are actually martyring yourself. You're sabotaging your own energy. And many times people will think, “Oh, I need to give. It's important to give, give, give. I shouldn't be so selfish. I shouldn't take anything on.


I should give everything that I have away to everyone else.” And maybe even you had a family member who was narcissistic so you definitely think this way. But in reality, in the trueness of your own inner self, you're probably looking at the martyr archetype and being more of the victim. Now, another weird part of the wounded healer, and this may take a little time to get your head around because it won't make sense. But the wounded healer also looks for people who are wounded. They need people who are desperate for help. They will have friendships with people who are going through a difficult illness or a breakup, and they want those people to be sick or hurt. And I've seen this in families where the child will be sick because the parent wants that child to be sick or hurt or in pain, because then they can rescue them.


Then they can take care of them. And unfortunately, this is classic codependency. Many, many healers are dealing with some really clearly defined codependency. And what I mean by that is if you are sick, I will save you. If you are hurt, I will save you. I’ll martyr myself to make sure you are okay. So you want to ask yourself, “What is it in me that wants to help everyone else? What am I missing within me?” Because if you were fulfilled, you wouldn't be projecting this on to others. And I'm going to be super honest with you. I have not met too many healers. And I know a lot of healers who don’t have a bunch of crap that they need to deal with. And I don't want to trigger you or make you upset by saying this, but maybe just take a quick look. What's the worst thing that can happen?


You can find a shadow lurking around in the depths of your past or in your own psyche and your own subconscious. And you know, what would happen if you cleared some of those old wounds? You'd actually be a better healer. One of the things I tell people in my Akashic Record certification class is that when you are healing yourself, you become a better healer because you are clearer energetically than someone who isn't clear energetically. And I've watched this time and time again, people say, “Oh yeah, I do this great healing.” And then I'll look, energetically, at what they're doing. And there's so much projection needs and hooks and cords that they put into other people. They're really not healing them. What they're doing is trying to help themselves through helping others. And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that, but let's be really empowered healers.


And that brings me to the next point. Many times, healers actually want you to be disempowered. They want you to always come to them. So they want you to call them up and go, “Oh my God, it's an emergency! I have hives. You need to save me. Oh my God, my boyfriend just broke up with me. You have to save me.” And the healers want that. They actually will tell you, you can't go to another healer because I'm working with you. And if you're doing my healing, you can only do my healing and no other healing. Now if the healing is positive and no hooks and cords are happening, it shouldn’t really matter if you go and get a massage while you're doing healing work with another healer. Let me give you an example of that. I actually had a friend who's actually no longer my friend.


And I remember I was driving in my car and she was like, “Oh, you have an entity around you. There's something bad around you.” I have to save you from that. And I checked in, I was at a stoplight and I checked in. I was like, “What is she talking about? I feel fine. Actually. I feel amazing. I'm like, I feel like I'm flying high.” And my guide showed me that she was sending me an entity so she could save me. And that's something that healers who need to be needed do. What they do is they create issues for other people. Shouldn't you be mad at them? Let me help you and make you mad at them so that I can save you from yourself. And of course, this is so subconscious, super, super, deeply subconscious energies. And most healers have no clue that they're doing that.


And this is why I encourage people to really heal themselves. When you truly heal yourself and heal all your own shadows and your own wounds, then you come from a place of a higher frequency, and you're not trying to have others to save. Then you're actually empowering them because if you are trying to save them or rescue them or heal them because they are damaged in some way, you perceive them as damaged, then you are not empowering them. And I truly believe that we should be empowering each other more than trying to control or manipulate anyone. Let's empower each other. Let's empower you to do your own healing.

But I have to say, and this is really true. Most of us spiritually bypass when we're doing our own healing work, because it's hard for us to see through the illusion. Most people don't allow themselves to look at the really deep stuff that's going on around them and within them. They surface clean as much as possible. And I see a lot of spiritually bypassing when people are just doing energy work. And they're not really looking at what's going on deeper, or they're telling the same stories. I was listening to someone's podcasts because they were talking about ADHD and ADD. And that is something that my daughter is saying that she has, and this person's a spiritual person. And I listened to a couple episodes of their podcast. And I was like, “Oh my gosh. In every episode they're talking about the same story of when they were 12, my goodness.” And this is a popular YouTube podcast person. Like my goodness. Don't they have another story to tell? If that's their only damage, they have no clue of their issues because that's not this person's only damage. I know it for a fact because energetically, I can see that there's so much more underneath, but they are not looking at it.


They're not paying attention to it. And they're bypassing it. The other thing that a lot of wounded healers have are very poor boundaries. And I don't believe in boundaries. Like you have to put up a big wall and be like, “You cannot come into this wall.” Boundaries should be malleable and they should be energetic. And that's what I love about boundaries is the energetic boundaries. And when you have really strong, empowered energy, your boundaries are super clear and people don't even realize that they are respecting your boundaries because it's so energetically clear and you don't even have to think, “Oh no, that's not going to happen. No, I don't want that. I don't want this.” Because if you're empowered, your energy boundaries are just really clear. And there's no thought delineation of this is a yes, this is a no. It's just an energy flow.


And some things are like, “Yeah, no, that doesn't feel right to me.” And actually a good story about boundaries is in Episode 45. I actually am talking about an experience that I had. And actually what I'm talking about is having really clear boundaries. Many healers have that codependent energy because they had a lot of wounds and a lot of things that happened to them at an early age in their life. And I would suggest maybe looking at the Dark Night of the Soul podcast series that I have, because that will help you recognize some of these really deep rooted energies and issues regarding the wounded healer. One of the last things that I find a lot of healers do is they are empaths so they take on other people's energy. And if you've ever seen the movie The Green Mile, in that movie, one of the characters takes on the illness of other people and actually heals them.


And when you take it on for someone else, if you take on their issues or their energy, you're actually not helping them or yourself. That's that martyr energy. So let's look at this. The ‘martyr’ energy and the ‘save you’ energy. I can save you. I can save everyone. I love it when healers will say, well, everyone, I can heal everyone. And that's not necessarily true. If you think you can save every single person, then you are not empowering them. If you feel that you have to martyr yourself or sacrifice something within you, then you're not helping anyone, including yourself. And you're not modeling the empowered healer energy. You're modeling the energy of sacrifice and of wounding. This Ascension, we are moving into an energy that we need really clear channels of frequencies to help others and really clear channels of frequency that embody love and connection.


We need the empowered healer, not the wounded healer and it's okay. Look, no one is going to get it right 100% of the time. No one is perfect and don't hold yourself back either. So if you want to do healing work and you want to heal yourself as well, you should be doing both at the same time. I remember many years ago, people would come to me and they'd say, oh, I really want to be a healer and a helper, but I have so much to heal within myself. Remember that saying, Melissa? “Healer, heal thyself. I can't be a healer until I've healed myself.” and I would laugh. And I'd say, oh, well, if that were true, then we'd have zero healers in the world because most people are damaged. And everyone who is a healer probably has something that they're still working on themselves.


And that's okay. You still want to put yourself out there as a healer, as a helper, as an intuitive, but you also want to recognize during your time that you are helping others, please empower yourself and help yourself as well. Because if you're doing that, you're modeling this frequency for others and showing them how a really healthy healer looks at their own issues. A really healthy healer is helping themselves and others at the same time. And look, we're all human and you can work on yourself and others at the same time, because we all got our stuff. Don't deny your own issues. Empower yourself.

This was so much fun to talk about. I know it's a really deep and heavy subject, but we need you to help others and you need to heal and honor yourself as well. And if you know of anyone who could use this podcast, please share it with your friends. Please subscribe, leave a review. I know on Spotify, you can't, but I think Apple and a couple other places you can leave a review. A review really helps the podcast. And I'm sending you so much love. I love you truly. I do. And I see your amazing energy and am sending you so much love. Have a beautiful day.