As an intuitive I get this question so often I have to take a breath and make sure I’m not experiencing Ground Hog Day.  The situation is that there are too many lonely, sad people who just want to be loved.  I totally understand this feeling, we all crave love, connection and want to feel like we belong.

The problem with asking the question of “is he/she the One” is that when we ask that question we are focused on the outcome and the expectations of who and what “the One” is.  We feel this desperation and a need to fill a void in our lives.

If you focus on the outcome you miss the whole experience of getting to know someone. 

If you have a physical attraction and an emotional and spiritual connection that’s awesome but why worry if they are ‘the one’?  If you start filling your head up with the idea of what ‘the one’ for you would look like, sound like and act like, you are not getting to know the person in front of you.  You are projecting the need for them to be ‘the one’ and not really seeing them for who they are.

How will you know if they are the one if you keep focusing on the wrong thing?

Eventually they will not meet up to your projections and expectations of who you want them to be and you miss out on a new experience with a new person. You never really get to know them, you just focus on them being ‘the one’.

If you are asking every person and every psychic if they are ‘the One’ you are putting your energy in your hopes and dreams and not in your relationship.  You are focused in the wrong direction, try to focus on what you like about the person, not what you want them to be like.

The ultimate betrayal is when you betray yourself.

Once there was a women who would talk to her boyfriend on many different occasions about getting married and being together.  Each time the boyfriend danced around it and avoided answering or making a direct statement.  In her mind they are discussing marriage but in reality she was discussing marriage and he was avoiding it.

This woman was not consciously dating, she was unconsciously projecting what she desired and hearing only what she wanted to hear.  She was not seeing the real story or who he really was.  She was only seeing her expectations and needs, not the truth.  She was lying to herself if she believed he was as invested in marriage as she was!

The deception is hypnotizing.

We lie to ourselves about many different relationships because we are programmed to deceive.  All humans lie, it is part of our hard wired circuits.  The inner deception is detrimental when we deceive ourselves more than if we lie to others.

We lie to ourselves about our romantic relationships because we are afraid of being alone or that we may be unlovable.  We want so much for that new someone to be ‘the one’ that we go to great lengths to deceive ourselves that this new guy/girl is amazingly perfect and the ideal partner you have been manifesting.

Be honest with yourself.

When the person we have been dating for a while starts to show their real colors we become surprised like they were hiding it.  No one can hide who they are if you are really listening and paying attention.  You may be fooled for a short period of time but if you are present and not interposing what you want them to look or sound like you will start to see the truth really fast.

How do you lie to yourself about your relationships?  In what ways have you deceived yourself in the past?